Or, at least to those of us on the consuming end of broadcast equipment, it seems this way.
A belated tip of the hat to the late Mel Crosby of Pineway Electronics, who delivered this into my hands many years ago, and in the process cleared up many a mystery!
A GUIDE TO INTERPRETING SPECS.
Manufacturers have now developed a special language to proclaim the many virtues of their products. Sometimes, these virtues cannot be completely understood by the normal person until they have the anointed translation. Here is your guide to the wisdom of the ages!
NEW Different colour from previous design.
ALL NEW Parts not interchangeable with other designs.
EXCLUSIVE Imported product.
UNMATCHED Almost as good as the competition.
DESIGN SIMPLICITY Costs cut to the bone. (Manufacturer’s costs).
FOOLPROOF OPERATION No provision for any adjustments at all.
ADVANCED DESIGN The advertising agency doesn’t understand it.
IT’S HERE AT LAST Rush job; nobody knew it was coming!
FIELD-TESTED Manufacturer lacks good test equipment.
HIGH ACCURACY Unit on which all parts fit.
DIRECT SALES ONLY Factory had a big argument with distributor.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT We finally got one that works.
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE Nothing we had before ever worked THIS way.
PRICE BREAKTHROUGH We finally figured out a way to sell it, and make even more profit.
FUTURISTIC No other reason why it looks the way it does.
DISTINCTIVE A different shape and colour from the others.
MAINTENANCE-FREE Impossible to fix.
REDESIGNED Previous faults are corrected, we hope.
HAND-CRAFTED Assembly machines operated without gloves on.
PERFORMANCE PROVEN Will operate through the warranty period.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS Ours, not yours!
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED Manufacturer’s, upon cashing your cheque.
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED Does things we can’t explain.
ALL SOLID-STATE Heavy as hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY Gives a picture and produces noise.
LATEST AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY One of our techs was recently laid off from Boeing.
HIGH RELIABILITY We made it work long enough to ship it.
HIGH ACCURACY TOLERANCES Feels so smooth!
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE When completed, it will be shipped by Greyhound.
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES Finally got all of it to fit together.
NEW GENERATION Our old design didn’t work; this one should get us out of trouble.
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS Got a deal at the Government Surplus auction.
24-HOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE Within 24 ours, we can usually find a second person to ignore your problems.
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS You can return it to us from most airports.