Or, at least to those of us on the consuming end of broadcast equipment, it seems this way.

A belated tip of the hat to the late Mel Crosby of Pineway Electronics, who delivered this into my hands many years ago, and in the process cleared up many a mystery!



Manufacturers have now developed a special language to proclaim the many virtues of their products.  Sometimes, these virtues cannot be completely understood by the normal person until they have the anointed translation.  Here is your guide to the wisdom of the ages!


NEW                                                    Different colour from previous design.

ALL NEW                                              Parts not interchangeable with other designs.

EXCLUSIVE                                          Imported product.

UNMATCHED                                        Almost as good as the competition.

DESIGN SIMPLICITY                             Costs cut to the bone.  (Manufacturer’s costs).

FOOLPROOF OPERATION                    No provision for any adjustments at all.

ADVANCED DESIGN                             The advertising agency doesn’t understand it.

IT’S HERE AT LAST                               Rush job; nobody knew it was coming!

FIELD-TESTED                                      Manufacturer lacks good test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY                                 Unit on which all parts fit.

DIRECT SALES ONLY                           Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT                  We finally got one that works.

UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE     Nothing we had before ever worked THIS way.

PRICE BREAKTHROUGH                      We finally figured out a way to sell it, and make even more profit.

FUTURISTIC                                          No other reason why it looks the way it does.

DISTINCTIVE                                         A different shape and colour from the others.

MAINTENANCE-FREE                           Impossible to fix.

REDESIGNED                                       Previous faults are corrected, we hope.

HAND-CRAFTED                                   Assembly machines operated without gloves on.

PERFORMANCE PROVEN                    Will operate through the warranty period.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS                     Ours, not yours!

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED  Manufacturer’s, upon cashing your cheque.

MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED      Does things we can’t explain.

ALL SOLID-STATE                                 Heavy as hell!

BROADCAST QUALITY                          Gives a picture and produces noise.

LATEST AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY   One of our techs was recently laid off from Boeing.

HIGH RELIABILITY                                 We made it work long enough to ship it.

HIGH ACCURACY TOLERANCES           Feels so smooth!

SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE                   When completed, it will be shipped by Greyhound.

BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES     Finally got all of it to fit together.

NEW GENERATION                              Our old design didn’t work; this one should get us out of trouble.

MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS                     Got a deal at the Government Surplus auction.

24-HOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE            Within 24 ours, we can usually find a second person to ignore your problems.

CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS            You can return it to us from most airports.